Five Holiday-Themed Video Games We’d Like to See

Angry Birds ChristmasHoliday themed video games inherently have a short lifespan, and tend to be too cheesy for any hardcore gamer to take seriously. We wondered however, what would happen if we put a bit of cynicism into Holiday video games, and built off concepts that have proved successful with gamers in other genres. These are five holiday-themed video games we’d like to see :

Valentine’s Day

Valentine

Overview: You play as Cupid, who after a weekend bender realizes he’s missed Valentine’s Day and sets out to right the wrongs… by shooting as many people in the face as possible.

Gameplay:

  • Hover over jaded lovers and hopeless romantics!
  • Choose between three types of arrows causing love, lust or internet-based infatuation!

Platform: Wii (Utilizing the best point and impale mechanics available today)

Veterans Day

Veterans

Overview: See any Medal of Honor or Call of Duty game. Then, take the young soldiers off foreign soil and put them in the streets of America. Then, make the young soldiers old veterans taking their guns and giving them tubes of Preparation H. THEN PUT THEM IN A DAMN PARADE.

Gameplay:

  • Dodge insults from anti-war protestors!
  • Engage in rhythm-based walking/shuffling!
  • Avoid the icy grip of death!

Platform: Playstation 3 (Six dedicated processors bring realistic high-definition wrinkles and liver spots to the forefront of your living room)

Passover (Moses’ Revenge)

Moses

Overview: Moses wreaks Jewish havoc on the Egyptians.

Gameplay:

  • Eat matzah for health!
  • Use your staff and the ten commandment tablets for combo attacks!
  • Unlock special beard attack after parting the Red Sea!

Platform: Sega Genesis (Watch colorful 16-Bit history unfold before your very own low-res-strained eyes)

Independence Day

Merica

Overview: From picnic to fireworks display, play through a patriotic assortment of mini-games.

Gameplay:

  • Find parking!
  • Get past the roadblock without getting a DUI!
  • Subdue the gung-ho drunken dude painted red, white and blue, double-fisting hot dogs and screaming “merica!” at the top of his lungs!

Platform: Nintendo DS (Brandish that stylus for some good old American fun)

Halloween

TP

Overview: You play as grumpy old people that don’t answer the door or put out decorations.

Gameplay:

  • Experience quick-time events for ducking behind furniture as kids look through your window in search of candy!
  • Set up booby traps on the front porch to keep trick-or-treaters at bay!
  • Activate well timed power-sneers to keep potential Antique Roadshow interrupters away, even during the commercials… but especially during the commercials!

Platform: Xbox 360 (Hook up to Xbox Live: Online multiplayer allows you to join in and participate as part of an apartment complex full of grumpy old people that have to fend off wave after wave of children — much like an immobile Left 4 Dead!)

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